The Marauders Star In: Nursery Stories
by Moony vs. Padfoot
Summary: The Marauders star in some nursery stories plays, The Three Little Pigs and Little Red Riding Hood . R&R!
1. The Three Little Pigs

The Marauders Star In: The Three Little Pigs  
  
Moony  
  
JK's  
  
Ok, this occurred to be while I was supposed to be studying spelling words. So, don't flame me if it's like really stupid. – Moony  
  
The Three Little Pigs  
  
Characters  
  
Sirius Black – Pig #1

James Potter – Pig #2

Peter Pettigrew – Pig #3

Remus Lupin – The Big Bad Wolf

_curtain opens_

Remus: I DON'T WANT TO BE THE BIG BAD WOLF!  
  
James: That isn't your line!  
  
Sirius: It's my line that's the first!  
  
Peter: THEN GO! The audience is staring!  
  
Sirius: Oh I love this house made of straw! It's so cozy and I didn't have to work hard at all! Sadly to say, it can be blown down easily and by burned down by a fire! Oh well, what do I care?  
  
Peter: Sirius!  
  
Sirius: Whatever! It's Moony's turn!  
  
Remus: I hate this line – Little pig, little pig, let me in!  
  
Sirius: Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!  
  
James: You don't HAVE a chinny-chin-chin!  
  
Sirius: Not by the hairs of my wrinkly-skined elephant!  
  
Audience: _stare_  
  
Remus: I AM NOT A BIG BAD WOLF!  
  
Peter: That is not your line!  
  
Remus: Then I will HUFF and PUFF – huff puff – and BLOW your house down!  
  
Sirius: Huff and puff? It sounds like you've been running a 20-meter track!  
  
Remus: Actually I –  
  
James: HUFF, so Dedalus can smash it!  
  
Remus: Oh fine! _Huffs and puffs and pretends to be blowing house down. House does not fall down._  
  
James: I think Dedalus forgot.  
  
Remus: Oh you really think I could blow that down? I can't even blow a huge bubble for Pete's sake! Let's make this easier, shall we?_ Pulls out wand_. REDUCTO! _House smashes._  
  
Sirius: _Runs and screams like a girl to the next house.  
_  
Peter: Ahh... my house is made of sticks! And I didn't spend much work on it! Knocks on the walls. And it's an endless supply of wood! If I ever need firewood for the fire, I can just chop the house down! It couldn't withstand a rainstorm!  
  
James: You messed up your line completely! It's "The wood is of finest mahogany and will withstand any storm!"  
  
Peter: Who cares? We didn't have enough rehearsals!  
  
Remus: You are going to pay once I'm through with being the big bad wolf Sirius!  
  
James: Stop complaining and say your line!  
  
Remus: Little gits, little gits, let me come in!  
  
Peter and Sirius: Not by the hair of our chinny-chin-chins!  
  
James: You guys don't HAVE chinny-chin-chins! But Peter has a hair on his lip!  
  
Peter: I DO NOT!  
  
Sirius: Not by the hair of Peter's lip!  
  
Peter: HEY!  
  
Remus: Then I shall huff and puff and blow your house down!  
  
Sirius: Did you run another 20 meters?  
  
Remus: Well I –  
  
James: Not the time!  
  
Remus: _huffs and puffs_  
  
James: Dedalus! Dedalus! Oh crap he's forgot the play was today.  
  
Remus: Oh for crying out loud! REDUCTO! _House smashes.  
_  
Sirius and Peter: _Run in circles and scream like girls._  
  
James: You guys are supposed to come to my house! Not run in circles!  
  
Sirius: Oh, right.  
  
Peter: Let us go to Brother 3's house, Brother 2!  
  
Sirius: Do I have to be related to you?  
  
Peter: Oh shut up! Let's go.  
  
James: Ahh... a wonderful brick house! I am the best pig and I work the hardest! And surely with this house I can win my true love, Lily Evans' heart! _Winks at Lily._ Though if Remus is angry, he can smash it...  
  
Peter: Raps on door. Brother! The Big Bad Wolf is after us! Please let us in your brick house!  
  
James: Nah... I'm saving tea for Lily! The Big Bad Wolf is hungry anyway!  
  
Sirius: _Smashes open door, then replaces with a new one._  
  
James: Oy! That's private property there!  
  
Remus: Little toads, little toads, let me come in!  
  
Sirius, James, and Peter: Not by the hair of our chinny-chin-chins!  
  
James: We don't have chinny-chin-chins! We're TOADS now according to Remus!  
  
Peter: Not by the warts of our warty throats!  
  
Remus: Then I will HUFF and PUFF and kill you all! Reduc-  
  
Sirius: No! You're supposed to die because the huffing and puffing leaves you so out of breath and exhausted!  
  
Remus: _smiles nastily_ Well, sorry to burst the bubble, but I LIVE! REDUCTO!  
  
Sirius, Peter, and James: _Scream like girls and run in circles_  
  
Sirius: HELP HELP! THE SKY IS FALLING, THE SKY IS FALLING!  
  
Peter: Geroff me! Geroff me!  
  
James: THAT WAS PRIVATE PROPERTY! WAIT 'TIL I SUE YOU!  
  
Remus: Impedimenta!  
  
Sirius: Are you challenging us to a duel?  
  
Remus: Maybe I am!  
  
James: RICTUSEMPRA!  
  
Remus: _Falls to the floor laughing hysterically._ Tar-hee-an-hee – TARANTELLEGRA!  
  
James: _tap dances_  
  
Peter: Impedimenta! _Spell misses and hits spotlight. Glass smashes._  
  
Sirius: STUPEFY!  
  
James: _Ducks. Spell hits window._  
  
Audience:_ scream_  
  
McGonagall: BOYS! When I gave permission to do this play, I never said that – _ducks and dodges green light..._ BOYS!  
  
_Fighting ensues. Curtain closes._


	2. Little Red Riding Hood

**The Marauders Star In: Little Red Riding Hood  
  
Padfoot  
  
JK's stuff. Yup.  
  
I loved Moony's story so much, and I know you guys did—I decided to make a sequel! No flames, pleeze. –Paddy**  
  
Little Red Riding Hood  
  
Characters  
  
Sirius Black- Little Red Riding Hood  
  
James Potter- Grandma  
  
Peter Pettigrew- Mother  
  
Remus Lupin- Big Bad Wolf  
  
_Curtains rise_  
  
Remus: I'M NOT THE BIG BAD WOLF!  
  
James: Well that is YOUR part in this play...  
  
Sirius: And you ARE dresses like 'em...  
  
Sirius and James: continue to ramble on  
  
Peter: SHUT UP and let me say my lines, already!  
  
Remus, James, and Sirius: shuts up  
  
Peter: Thank you. Oh _(forgets Little Red Riding Hood's name)_ Little Red Riding Hood... will you please take off that dreadful cape, and bring these goodies to your Grandmother?  
  
James: Yes, respect your elders. _Pokes his gray wig  
_  
Sirius: OK lady—I'll bring these Oreos to poor, SICK _James fakes a cough_, Grandma –and apparate to her house- but do I have to take off my shimmering red cape? I just loove pretending I'm superman!  
  
Remus: SUPERMAN?  
  
Peter: OK... take this here basket, girl. And remember to always stay on the path in the woods!  
  
Sirius: The basket's gonna explode in my hands. You rigged it. I know it.  
  
Peter: No it ain't!  
  
James: Don't said ain't! 'Cause ain't ain't a word!  
  
Audience: questioned looks on about all of their faces  
  
Remus: _after a minute's worth of silence_ I'M NOT THE BIG BAD WOLF!  
  
Sirius, Peter, and James: Yes you are!!  
  
Sirius: Yes Mother PETER! I'll be good. He skips off happily. _Scene Changes.  
_  
Sirius: Oh no! These woods sure are dark and scarrry. Like the Forbidden Forest! Not that I was ever in there...  
  
Remus: Hello Siri—I mean, Little Girl.  
  
Sirius: Plays with one of his pigtails. Hi Mister Wolf, sir.  
  
Remus: I'M NOT THE BIG BAD WOLF!  
  
Sirius: Yes you are! Now say your line quick—the audience looks like they want to stun us all!  
  
Remus: What is in that lovely smelling basket, Si- Girl?  
  
Sirius: They're goodies for my Grandma—she's sick. And my name's Little Red Riding Hood! Not girl!  
  
Remus: Fine then, Little Red Riding Hood. Now... where might your Grandmother live? _There was a cardboard house 5 feet away from them.  
_  
Sirius: She lives right down this path here, why do you ask, Mr. Wolf?  
  
Remus: I'M NOT--  
  
_Suddenly—Peter ran across the stage screaming bloody murder._  
  
Sirius: That was weird.  
  
Remus: I know _he checks through the script_ And it wasn't even in the script!  
  
_Peter took another round of screaming.  
_  
Sirius: Stop it Worm—STUPEFY!  
  
_A jet of red light erupted from Sirius's wand tip, hitting Peter, who froze._  
  
Sirius: Well that takes care of that.  
  
Remus: I thought McGonagall said that NO magic was allowed this time.  
  
Sirius: She did? Oh well!  
  
James: JUST GET ON WITH THE PLAY!  
  
Remus: No reason.  
  
Sirius: Oh- ok! Just as long as you're not going to follow me and then-  
  
Remus: Shut up! That isn't in your lines!  
  
Sirius: Yes it is!  
  
Remus: No it isn't!  
  
Sirius: Is too!  
  
Remus: Is not!  
  
Sirius: You're right—it isn't.  
  
_Remus in the big bad wolf costume ran back into the woods suspiciously._  
  
Sirius: That was weird. I mean—time to go see Grandma! _He skipped off to Grandma's house_.  
  
Sirius: _Sirius began knocking on her grandmother's door._ Oh Grandma!! I've brought all these yummy goodies for you!  
  
James: Oh—thank you very much Red Riding Hood!  
  
Sirius: 'Welcome! Can I come in, Pr—Grandma?  
  
James: No!  
  
Peter: _Now he's un-stunned, OK?_ That's not in your lines!  
  
James: I don't care!  
  
Sirius: Than I'll get the big bad wolf and he'll huff and puff like he just ran a 20-meter track!  
  
James: No you won't.  
  
Sirius: You're right. But I still can—force the door down! REDUCTO! _Door collapses_.  
  
_Sirius walks over to his Grandma's bed._  
  
Sirius: Why Grandma, what big EARS you gots!  
  
Remus: _It's the wolf in_ _Grandma's clothing_. Er- all the better to hear your voice with?  
  
Sirius: And why Grandma, what big of a NOSE you gots! Like Snape's!  
  
Remus: All the better to smell wood burning!  
  
Sirius: Why Grandma, what big TEETH you gots! Like a werewolf!  
  
Remus: I'M NOT THE BIG BAD WOLF!  
  
Sirius: Yes you are, Grandma.  
  
Remus: All the better to EAT you with- my dear.  
  
Sirius: Don't you mean bite?  
  
James: JUST SAY YOUR LINES!  
  
Sirius: Oh my goodness gracious, you ate GRANDMA!  
  
Remus: No I didn't! She's right there! _He points behind Sirius. James curtsies in his dress_.  
  
Sirius: Grandma! _Peter comes out reading the script.  
_  
Peter: Aren't you supposed to hug James, Siri?  
  
Sirius: I'm not sure.  
  
Peter: _Shoves script under Sirius's nose.  
_  
Sirius: Look what it says—does it say what I think it says? Yes! DISCO PARTY!!  
  
Peter, James, and Remus: WHAT?!  
  
McGonagall: WHAT?!  
  
Audience: _stares  
_  
_Curtain closes so the audience won't have to suffer any longer. _


	3. Goldilocks and the Three Bears

The Marauders Star In: Goldilocks and the Three Bears  
  
Moony  
  
JK's characters, but it's my plot.  
  
Characters  
  
Sirius Black – Goldilocks

James Potter – Bear 1

Remus Lupin – Bear 2 Peter Pettigrew – Bear 3

Special Guest Star: Lily Evans – Goldilocks' Mother

_Curtain opens_  
  
Sirius: Here is another play by us! The Marauder Drama Club!  
  
James: I don't like drama.  
  
Sirius: But you like messed up plays.  
  
James: Yup!  
  
Sirius: But doing a club of acting is like a drama club.  
  
James: Not.  
  
Sirius: Yes it is!  
  
James: No it isn't!  
  
Sirius: Is too!  
  
James: I don't like drama!  
  
Sirius: Too bad!  
  
Peter: Can you get on with your line James?  
  
James: I don't like drama!  
  
Audience: _glares  
_  
James: Ok, ok fine. Ouch! This porridge is too hot! Why don't we go for a walk until it cools off?  
  
Sirius: I don't get this! Why can't they just use their wands and cool it? Why must they take a walk?  
  
Remus: It's my line Sirius, not yours. And erm – I think that's a great idea! And the walk will make us very hungry and we will eat it right away!  
  
Peter: Yes that is wonderful! Let us go now!  
  
Peter, Remus, James: _Leave house and do not lock it.  
_  
James: Dang those bears are stupid they forget to lock the door!  
  
Peter: Actually, I don't think their paws can even hold a key!  
  
Remus: They're just supposed to forget.  
  
James: Who forgets to lock a door? I mean, think of all the Galleons they could have lost! It's a good thing they live in the woods.  
  
Peter: I forget to lock the door once in a while, my mum yells at me.  
  
James: You're stupid.  
  
Remus: No he's not! It's just a memory problem!  
  
James: You mean someone put a memory charm on you so you could forget to lock the door and then they could steal your money?  
  
Peter: ...  
  
James: You know... that's a good idea! I should try that sometime!  
  
Lily: Are you gonna say your lines or stand here talking all day? We have an audience watching this you gits!  
  
James: Oh right Evans... we don't have a line though, we just walk away.  
  
Lily: Then walk away!!!  
  
James, Remus, Peter: _walk away_  
  
Sirius: How come I have to be Goldilocks? I don't want to have golden curls! Why can't I keep MY beautiful black hair?  
  
Lily: Do you really think I want to be YOUR mother?  
  
Sirius: No, but I don't want you to be my mother either. You would make my life miserable. Not that it already is miserable... but still...  
  
Lily: Oh god Sirius, do you ever shut up?  
  
Sirius: No.  
  
Lily: Then we're never gonna get on with this play!  
  
Sirius: Fine with me!  
  
Lily: I'm not going to continue this argument. Goldilocks, I am going out for a little bit to buy some er – what the heck is that word?  
  
Sirus: _peers at the script..._ It's bread Lily. Honestly, it wasn't THAT smudged.  
  
Lily: Shut up. I am going out for a little bit to buy some bread. Stay in the house now and don 't venture far off in the woods.  
  
Sirius: Aww... don't worry I won't! NOT! I'm a Marauder Lil- I mean MOM... you really think I'm not going to venture?  
  
Audience: _glares_  
  
Sirius: Sheesh. _Says all his Goldilocks lines in a very exaggerated girly voice..._ Ok Mommy I won't! I'll be a good little Goldilocks and stay in the house.  
  
Lily: I think that was too exaggerated.  
  
Sirius: You're supposed to be gone by now.  
  
Lily: I was just –  
  
Sirius: GO AWAY!  
  
Lily: Fine! Sheesh! _Goes backstage.  
_  
Sirius: Now I'm going to do what Mommy told me not to do and go in the forest.  
  
_Scenery changes into a dark eerie forest..._  
  
Sirius: Man, who designed this scenery! It looks like the Forbidden Forest - I mean, not that I snuck there, I SWEAR for Gods sakes. I only went there because – I mean...  
  
McGonagall: _Raises eyebrows  
_  
James: Shut up Sirius! Sirius: I mean – Such a lovely forest. Look at the beautiful birds and the pretty flowers! And – LOOK! There's a nice little cottage over there! I'm going in it and having a look! – That's stupid. Honestly. I mean, why would someone just burst into a house to 'have a look'. There could be a murderer in there! Or a Death Eater! Or maybe Lord Voldemort himself! This proves that Goldilocks is a dunderhead.  
  
Peter: Well she does have blonde hair, so I guess she's a dumb blonde.  
  
Remus: She's not a blonde... she has golden hair. She's a goldie.  
  
Sirius: A Goldilocks.  
  
James: Get on with the show!  
  
Sirius: Fine – Wow! Porridge! I sure am hungry! I'll just eat some – that's honestly stupid too. I mean, what if it's POISONED? What if Lord Voldemort left it to kill an innocent person. I wouldn't just go tasting it!  
  
Remus: Stop being a wise guy and just say your lines!  
  
Sirius: But it's true! – tastes first porridge... OUCH! This one just burned a hole through my tongue! It had ACID in it!  
  
Audience: _stare_  
  
Sirius: tastes next porridge... GOD! This one is ICE! How can James have said that it as too hot? I think his taste buds have died.  
  
James: My taste buds did not die! It was part of the script!  
  
Sirius: Suuure... _tastes next porridge..._ and wow this porridge tastes like it has poison in it! _Keels over and pretends to die..._  
  
Remus: SIRIUS!  
  
Sirius: _Gets up..._ I am a living monster from the dead... I have come to HAUNT WIZARDS ALIKE IN HOGWARTS!!!!  
  
Audience: _Scream dully_  
  
Sirius: Ok, ok, fine. This one tastes JUST RIGHT!Which I highly doubt by the way... _Eats all porridge..._ _walks into living room..._ AHH! Nice chairs, and I want to sit down! I'm soooooooooooo tired. _Sits down in biggest chair..._ This chair is too hard! Gawd, how can the chair be too hard? I mean, this is a squishy velvet ARMCHAIR for Pete's sake!  
  
James: You know I don't get it either.  
  
Sirius: Like I said, Goldilocks is a dunderhead.  
  
Remus: It's just a stupid fairy tale!  
  
Sirius: You're right, it is a stupid fairy tale. The stupidest one I've ever heard. It's stupider than the first play we did, the Three Little Pigs.  
  
Peter: Actually, I think the Three Little Pigs was stupider.  
  
Sirius: Yea, you had a lip hair.  
  
Peter: No I didn't!  
  
Sirius: Did too!  
  
Peter: Did not!  
  
Sirius: Did too!  
  
Peter: Did not!  
  
Sirius: You still have it! See!  
  
Peter: That isn't a lip hair!  
  
Sirius: Then what is it?  
  
Peter: It's a cold sore.  
  
Sirius: How can a hair be growing on a sore?  
  
Peter: There is no hair!  
  
Sirius: Yes there is!  
  
Peter: No there isn't!  
  
Lily: I know my part is over, but can you guys PLEASE get over the stupid lip hair?  
  
Peter: I DON'T HAVE A LIP HAIR!  
  
Sirius: Yes you do!  
  
Remus: SAY YOUR LINE!  
  
Sirius: Fine! _Sits in next chair..._ Gawd! This one's too SOFT! How can ANY chair be too soft? I mean, the softer the better! A chair can NEVER get too soft! Goldilocks is picky as well as stupid... why couldn't I have gotten a better part?  
  
Remus: At least you didn't have to play the Big Bad Wolf over and over!  
  
Sirius: That was only twice.  
  
Remus: _whines..._ I don't like being the Big Bad Wolf!  
  
Sirius: Stop being a whiny baby.  
  
Remus: I'm not whining!  
  
Sirius: Yes you are.  
  
Remus: Oh for Pete's sake Sirius hurry up and get along with the play!  
  
Sirius: Fine whiny baby..._ sits in last year..._ ahh... this chair is just right – not. How can this teeny rocking hair be just right? I mean, it's hard wood... THIS one is the hardest... how can that squishy armchair be the hardest?_ Chair breaks..._ DANG! It crashed too early!  
  
Audience: _Stare_  
  
Sirius: I mean – OH NO!! _Runs upstairs to bedroom..._Oh I'm tired... I need to sleep, and look beds!! I'll just take a nap in one of them! How thick does Goldi get? I mean, you don't just SLEEP in a bed, it could have a bomb in it!!!  
  
Remus: Can you stop playing your wise guy role?  
  
Sirius: I'm not even a wise guy compared to the stupidity of this girl!  
  
Remus: It's just a story Sirius.  
  
Sirius: Even so, it's a badly written story. Who wrote it anyway?  
  
Remus: I dunno...  
  
Sirius: Well I'm going to rewrite and send it to whoever wrote it.  
  
James: Whoever wrote it is DEAD Sirius.  
  
Sirius: Even so...  
  
Peter: Can you stop making interruptions and just get this play over already?  
  
Sirius: Why is everyone nagging me so? _Lays down in first bed..._ This bed is too big – how can a bed be too big? I don't get it! The bigger the better, I always say. _Lays down in next bed..._ This bed is too small! Wait a second, how can the Mother Bear's bed be too small, but the kid bear's bed is just right? Is the kid taller than the Mom? This doesn't make sense!  
  
Peter: The kid might be a college student.  
  
Sirius: His rocking chair is TINY.  
  
Peter: Even so...  
  
Sirius: _Lays down in last bed..._ Ahh... but this bed is just right! No it's not!!! ARGH! THERE'S- A BOMB! _Takes wand out from under his back and whispers..._ REDUCTO! _Bed shatters._  
  
James: SIRIUS! That cost a fortune to buy!  
  
Sirius: So? Someone's gotta teach this Goldidunderhead a lesson...  
  
James: You're paying!  
  
Sirius: Why?  
  
James: 'Cuz I spent a LOT of Galleons and time to look for a bed that's 'just right' for you!!!  
  
Sirius: So? Least it's not my money!  
  
James: You still owe me like... 50 galleons!  
  
Sirius: No I don't!  
  
James: Yea you do!  
  
Sirius: Since when did I owe you 50 galleons?  
  
James: Since I we betted over whether I could get Lily to go on a date with me! That was 10 galleons!!!  
  
Lily: JAMES POTTER! DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU ASKED ME OUT BECAUSE OF A STUPID BET???  
  
James: Oops... NO! Of course not! I wanted to ask you out and Sirius betted that I couldn't do it and...  
  
Lily: Well you can be sure I won't go with you EVER AGAIN! _Huffs off stage..._  
  
James: Dang it!  
  
Sirius: That's still only 10 galleons!!  
  
James: Then we bet whether Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw was gonna win, and I betted on Ravenclaw – and that was 20 galleons.  
  
Sirius: I GAVE you that already?  
  
James: No you didn't! _Rumages in pocket and pulls out piece of parchment..._ AHA! This is what you had to sign saying that you already gave it to me for my records!  
  
Sirius: What if I forgot to sign that?  
  
James: Well you still owe me 20 galleons for saying you could play that Muggle sport... what was it called? Something like ballbase or whatever.  
  
Sirius: But I played that and scored!  
  
James: It was a fake score. Even Lily said so!  
  
Sirius: Lily wasn't watching!  
  
James: Yes she was!  
  
Sirius: No she wasn't!  
  
James: Yes she was! Besides, you owe me 150 galleons now!  
  
Sirius: That bed DID NOT cost 100 galleons!  
  
James: Yes it did!  
  
Sirius: How can a bed like that cost 100 galleons?  
  
Remus: Can you guys PLEASE STOP BABBLING OVER SOME GOLD YOU FORGOT TO GIVE SO WE CAN SAY OUR LINES?  
  
James: Oh right... lines... erm... oh yeah! Now, our porridge should be nice and warm, and we should be able to eat it!  
  
Peter: Hooray!  
  
Remus: Yes, I'd like a bit of porridge.  
  
Sirius: No you wouldn't, your porridge had acid in it and it burned a hole through my tongue.  
  
Remus: There was no acid in it for Pete's sake Sirius, and there is no hole in your tongue.  
  
Peter: _gasps..._ Momma! Someone ate my porridge!  
  
James: What? Well too bad for you. I'm not making anymore Peter. Go find Sirius and make him brew some porridge. I'm not wastin' my time on you.  
  
Peter: I don't think that was in the script.  
  
James: Really? Was it not? Who cares, it's your fault for being the 3rd bear you don't got any porridge.  
  
Remus: It's my line after Peter's James...  
  
James: Oh fine.  
  
Remus: What? Who could have eaten your porridge. Let's see if the burglar stole anything else...  
  
James: I'm sure he did, knowing Sirius.  
  
Sirius: HEY!  
  
James: You stole my underwear once!  
  
Sirius: I needed it! The house elves were taking mine!  
  
James: Why didn't you buy your own?  
  
Sirius: No place sells bludger-patterned boxers any more!  
  
James: Oh gawd shut up.  
  
Peter: _gasps..._ My chair is broken!  
  
James: _pats Peter on the head..._well, you should've seen it coming, knowing Sirius.  
  
Remus: We must check everywhere else and find the culprit! They will have to pay for the chair.  
  
James: And the bed...  
  
Remus: We haven't even GOTTEN to the bed yet!  
  
James: But he smashed it!  
  
Remus: This is a play and we gotta go according to the script!  
  
James: Not when it's a Marauder play!  
  
Remus: I'm not even gonna argue.  
  
Peter: _gasps again..._ Daddy! There's someone sleeping in my bed!  
  
James: I'm not your Daddy, and your BED is smashed...  
  
Remus: This is a PLAY James, you are acting as the Father Bear and we've got to pretend that the bed is not smashed.  
  
James: I don't want to be the father of Peter!  
  
Sirius: I was the son of Lily!  
  
James: That's better than being father of Peter!  
  
Peter: You are gravely insulting me.  
  
James: Thank you.  
  
Remus: Sirius, you're supposed to wake up now.  
  
Sirius: Oh, am I? _Pretends to wake up and screams like a girl..._ AHHHHH!!!! BEARS ARE ATTACKING ME!!!! THEY WANT TO KILL ME!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!! _Runs in circles..._  
  
Remus: You're supposed to run out the door.  
  
Sirius: AHHHHHHHH!!!! _Runs out the door..._  
  
James: OH NO YOU DON'T! YOU'RE NOT GETTING AWAY THAT EASY! YOU STILL OWE ME 150 GALLEONS!!!!!  
  
Sirius, James: _Run all around the stage screaming._  
  
_Curtain closes._


End file.
